The other day my friend posted on Facebook a picture from her Caribbean vacation, showing the beautiful turquoise water and sandy beach. Underneath her photo, I commented, “I hate you.”
I was joking,
sort of of course.
But, if I would have posted a picture of MY scenery at that exact moment, it would have shown a bunch of exhausted parents and their ill children in the pediatric-oncology waiting room. Kids in wheelchairs, kids with tubes in their noses, and kids on crutches. Mostly, it was kids with their heads focused on their electronic distractions and a few others sitting at a table doing art projects to pass the time. And outside the window from where we sat was of course, what else, but yet another snowstorm. I was tempted to snap a photo and post it under my friend’s photo, but I truly like her a lot and didn’t want her to feel bad for me.
However, I was trying REALLY hard not to feel sorry for myself and my Little Dude at that moment, but it was almost impossible. I continued to surf Facebook and since it’s the winter break for most schools, my newsfeed was clogged with vacation photos. I wasn’t all that jealous of the skiing photos because after this winter, I wouldn’t care if I ever saw snow again. But, those tropical vacation photos?
I know I should just stay off Facebook this week and hunker down with the boys and make the best of it. But everything about this past year has felt so unfair (except of course those uplifting four days in Miami in December) that it’s difficult to not get caught up in the “boo hoo why us?” pity party every so often.
I feel as if we’ve done a pretty good job at staying strong and muddling through these hospital visits week after week. That part has become almost normal and ordinary. The challenge is when you realize that your family has had to press “pause” for a year and forego so many things that we used to take for granted. That part sucks.
And you know what else sucks? Seeing all the fun that everyone else around you is having. Before Facebook, we could choose to hibernate and not have everyone else’s vacations shoved in our faces. But now, every time I turn on my computer I can’t help myself but wander over to Facebook and become angry. Not at my friends, but at our situation.
I’ve recently told myself that I will never post pictures from our vacations again, because other people who follow my posts might be going through a tough time and not be able to travel or experience the type of vacations they used to have. You know, like us – right now. I call that my preemptive empathy, which has been in overdrive lately. But then when I thought about it more, I realized that I wouldn’t be able to do that. It’s not just that I enjoy sharing on Facebook. It’s that I have to get back at everyone who made me feel like shit this week…I’m kidding!!
Here’s what I want you to do: Check my Facebook page a year from now…I’ll be posting pictures of myself sipping a margarita under a palm tree, even if I have to make the drink at home and plant that tree myself! All homemade margarita recipes are welcome below.